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lucyfur star

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gay rights, marriage. [Wed, Oct. 18th (2006)|12:54 pm]
lucyfur star
November 7th please vote.


this is terrible. is this our free country? where you cant love who you want? marry who you want? ridiculous. please help raise awareness and compassion in this.....
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(no subject) [Wed, Oct. 11th (2006)|04:31 pm]
lucyfur star
well...its wednesday already.

so...sometimes i get really bored sitting at the CD Cellar alone all day. And i get even more depressed about what people consider to be "good" music, and get pissy when i wont take it. Today alone ive already looked at 3 cranberries cds, from 3 dif. people.
a dude earlier told me that his cds were in great shape. He takes great care of them. this automatically means that they are beltsanded. and they were. and then he tried to tell me that "jock jams" was rare...and hard to find.

i ahte it when people assume i dont know what im looking at or doing. ive worked here for 5 years. i cant do this blindfolded almost. ive worked in record stores for 7 years. im not oblivious to fad music. im not clueless about whats going on. and better yet, if you are approaching me with a freaking cranberries cd (like its a hot item) you had better just assume that i know a little more about music than you.

i get ranty like this sometimes. im completely bummed about towers closing. the music industry is just caving in. the cd cellar in leesburg has bothered me for years cause the whole idea is basically, trade some music for some music. sell some stuff occasionally when you are in a tight position. the whole leesburg area just wants to dump garbage into the store. they arent interested in new music, just making money off their forgotten filth. its a shame, cause then the kids that really want a scene and a music store in leesburg come in, and its just the same tired out mid-90s country and rock compilations staring back at them. there are some people around here that do care, i dont mean to sound so...i dont know. but as a whole, leesburg just wants to pretend that it has a scene, and all the kids want to seem like they "live for music" but really, they just want to sell whatever cds they have laying around from a few years ago (hello backstreet boys and limp biskit) and download the new panic at the disco cd. All these people on myspace that claim to "live for music" are likely the ones completely killing it. why buy it when you can burn or download it? the artwork,assholes. to support the artists. (that point is irrelevant when we talk about used cd stores though...and in that case to support your local, independantly owned cd store) seriously...im far to grumpy to work anywhere but here...support me.

furthermore: on another rant: just cause im young, bouncy and occasionally wear piercings...it doesnt mean i listen to "punk rock" or "metal" and thats all i know about. I know more about 80s pop than both of those combined. fuck, dont assume that i listen to any one genre of music. Im all over the place, and please dont condesend me by saying "Oh god. Im buying Bob Dylan, and you probably dont even know who that is" (yes...something along these lines ACTUALLY happened) plus 90% of the time when people walk in, im listening to some 60s rock.

thanks for listening to me rant, livejournal. thats why i love you.

in other news, tomorrow is tim and i's 2nd anniversary bulshit. i cant believe its only been 2 year.
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lame survey that i wanted to fill out but have already posted a few on myspace.... [Mon, Oct. 9th (2006)|03:26 pm]
lucyfur star
The Dirty Thirty... 30 unknown facts/secrets about yourself:

1. In two words, explain what ended your last relationship?
lost interest.

2. When was the last time you shaved your legs?
yesterday i think..or saturday

3. What were you doing this morning at 8am?

4. What were you doing 15 minutes ago?

5. Are you any good at math?
im not very good at math, but i liek to play math games in my head

6. Your prom night?
i never went to a prom. i went to a party after a prom once.

7. Do you have any famous ancestors?
i dont think so.

8. Have you ever taken out a loan to pay for school?

9. Do you know the words to the song on your myspace profile?
yes. i do. (its by as friends rust, since this isnt myspace.)

10. Last thing received in the mail?
as friends rust shirt

11. How many different beverages have you drank today?
hot cocoa, yerba mate, water

12. Do you ever leave messages on people's answering machines?
not usually.

13. Who'd you lose your concert virginity to?
i dunno. my parents took me to a lot of shows when i was littler. on my own, the first might have been dance hall crashers and the toasters

14. Do you draw your name in the sand when you go to the beach?
no, but tim drew ours. "tp and jm 4 eva" haha. cheesy

15. What's the most painful dental procedure you've had?
dry sockets after wisdom teeth removal.

16. What is out your back door?
haha. im at work, and there is no back door.

17. Any plans for Friday night?
no. but last firday was super hot date night, and we went to see texas chainsaw massacre the beginning.

18. Do you like the ocean?
yes. its pretty, smells good, refreshes me, makes me think...and then...10 minutes later im like....ok...now what?

19. Have you ever received one of those big tins of 3 different kinds of popcorn for Christmas?
yes. ticketmaster sends them every year

20. Who did you lose your sexual virginity to?
a dude.

22. Something you are excited about?
im excited about going home every day

23. What is your favorite flavor of JELLO?
i dunno.

24. Are any of your great-grandparents still alive?

25. Describe your key chain:
tons of keys that im scared to throw away, but dont use.

26. Where do you keep your change?
car, melted record bowl.

27. When was the last time you spoke in front of a large group of people?
years maybe?

28. What kind of winter coat do you have?
i collected coats for a while. got a few rad vintagey ones.

29. What was the weather like on your graduation?
i have no idea. b ut it was august

30. Do you sleep with the door to your room open or closed?
i prefer the door closed, windows open
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(no subject) [Tue, Aug. 22nd (2006)|05:46 pm]
lucyfur star
i seem to always not ask the obvious questions. i seem to not see the right things. caught up in always and nevers and i dont ahve the proper response. i focus on the wrong aspect.
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bruxism [Mon, Aug. 7th (2006)|01:16 pm]
lucyfur star

"The jaw may lock wide open (then it is dislocated), or it may not open fully at all. Also, upon opening, the lower jaw may deviate to one side. You may find yourself favoring one painful side or the other by opening your jaw awkwardly. These changes could be sudden. Your teeth may not fit properly together, and your bite may feel odd. "

my jaw periodacly locks shut. when it is locked, i can open my mouth about halfway, but because of the overbite, i cant even get a sammich in there. during these sometimes long periods, i consume a lot of crackers, chips and soupy things. it is frustrating and painful. its been going on for years, but i just now learned what it is. i hope that nobody has this. this current "lockdown" has been in effect for about a week. soemtimes it will open all the way, but as soon as i close my mouth again, my jaw has shifted back over and locked. i really wish i had dental insurance, but even with insurance i believe this is what they would call "preexisting condition". so im damaged goods. if you find a milion dollars, help me out if youa re so inclined, as this is one of the most irratating things ever. a mouth is something that you always think will open. a jaw is something that you take for granted.
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if not today [Tue, May. 30th (2006)|05:11 pm]
lucyfur star
if i dont post something to day, then i will have only posted one entry in a month, and that wont help me piece together gaps in time next year when i wonder what i was doing.

ive just been working, slackerly jobhunting, and working on the front royal property.

im feeling pretty good. maybe the best ever. who can really say?
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things [Mon, Apr. 17th (2006)|05:21 pm]
lucyfur star
i cant remember being this happy, but isnt that what always happens when you are happy? but for real, i cant remember ever feeling this good.

my week/weekend was great. i very much enjoy the changes im working on. i like thinking about the future more than the past.

i like what my life has turned into, and im glad i learned how to stay and work things out instead of running away.
i think its weird that ive had this journal for so long. there are soem definite changes in myself reading back through years.
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(no subject) [Mon, Feb. 13th (2006)|02:34 pm]
lucyfur star
holding onto a realtionship that is probably dead. too scared to let go cause what if its not the end? what if its in my head? hes no longer excited to see me. i no longer trust him. its terrible. it seems like that would have to be the end. but we do have fun together. and we both love each other. maybe too much.
ive never wanted anything more than this. i think im only biding my time. its dead, and we are over but living in a ghost of a relationship. going through the motions like muscle spasms in the recently deceased. the things we need to "work on" are personality traits. things that make him, him. and me, me. we were different when we met. what i saw in him was what i wanted. what i wanted was the excited, always in a good mood, happy to see me and appreciative guy. and i was the super bouncy, playful and funny girl. im not that. im toned down around him cause my over the top good moods are too much for his constant black cloud of a mood.
theres a fair chance that i'll never NOT be excited to see him. thats irritating. i want to move out. ive wanted to for a while, but its not what he wants. thats not the "space" he wants. fuck. i have no idea what to do. "either work on it or dont" i feel like ive out in all the effort i can, and im not getting much back. its a shame that we cant just work it out. and i dont think we can. i feel really depressed rightnow. maybe im not looking at things the right way. but it seems that every time we argue the only "concluson" or "solution" i come to is that i should move out for a while. he wants me around less. and toned down. the excitement towards him hasnt left. his for me is long gone. "of course im not excited to see you. weve been together for 2 years" so thats it. im washed up already. maybe i should be talking to him about this. this talk would lead to fighting and thats not what he wants. but this last fight wasnt the first time i brought up the "making me feel special" thing. and nothing has changed before. and its not changing now. so doenst that just further prove that hes not making much effort. and hes not a bad person. and its not that i think he doenst love me. it just isnt working. but sometimes i feel so secure in our relationship. i guess thats caus ei KNOW he isnt going to go anywhere cause we could always jsut promise that we'll work on it, and postpone the fighting for a week. i know that the only way its going to end is if i do it.
thats my rant.
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from nature [Mon, Jan. 30th (2006)|10:02 am]
lucyfur star
sometimes i dont feel as pretty as i should.
sometimes i critisize my body really harshly. my breasts arent perky enough, they are too big, ive gained TOO much weight, i used to be smaller, now im just flabby and my skin is bad.

i shoudlnt feel this way. im not unhealthy. im not unhappy. and looks really shouldnt/dont matter. not that a boys affections should affect my overall sight of myself, but tim thinks im sexy. thats what SHOULD matter. fuck...for that matter, i think im of the decent to hot variety. id really like to stop thinking of myself in a lowlight liek this. and its not always...jsut undercertain influences mostly. which is weird cause you'd think that when i let got of inhibitions, id be "myself" for reals...and "myself" thinks im the shit...but its not that way. its the opposite. there are occasions (liek right after dinner) that i grab my flabby tummy and shake it around. mostly i love that. its funny. and cute. but sometiems i try to stay covered up so that tim doesnt see it. liek he would care? although i dont often make "resolutions" i think i will resolve to stop thinking this way.
its ridiculous. im not "fat" and even if i was...who fucking cares? you know?
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you dont say. [Wed, Dec. 21st (2005)|06:34 pm]
lucyfur star
Envy:Very Low
Pride:Very Low

Take the Seven Deadly Sins Quiz
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